I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
