I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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