good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
