She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
why do cheetos always look like penises
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
