Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
