I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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