I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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