The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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