Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
