I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
this just has baby written all over it
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
