We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
