Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
