If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
