I'd wear matching sweaters with you
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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