they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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