I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
