So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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