New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
