I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
