yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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