so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
