I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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