If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
