I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
