It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
