I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
