I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
