I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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