you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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