so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
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All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
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I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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