i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
