haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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