saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
