i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
