gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
