Got a toothbrush?
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
