babies were throwing up all over the place
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
