I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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