idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
