Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
