One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
