burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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