Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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