Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
