no you cant smoke seaweed
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
