that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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