tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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