Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
