The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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