Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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