this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
