I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
