If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
