I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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