C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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