I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
lets start a swedish sibling band together
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I FOUND THE LEGS
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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