nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
