So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
