so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
