How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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