The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
