Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize