That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
