I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
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four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
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Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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