just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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