What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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