That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
