I think my vagina is haunted
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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