i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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