My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Drunk is not a location!
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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