bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
