Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
