you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
