it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
