i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
