does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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