I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
