i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
