Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
